So much

Gifts you can give me this holiday season

I would hate for you to be confused about what to buy me this holiday season. So, here is a list:


- A backpack/ handbag

- Shoes/sandals (never enough)

- Earrings (anytime, anyhow, any number)

- Money (I am going on a long trip. You could sponsor a lunch or so)

- Winter Clothes (that includes a whole lot of options, so use your imagination)

- Jewelry (this is a separate point from the earrings, because earrings deserve a separate point)

- Books – Anything else by Malcolm Gladwell other than Blink and by Tim Harford other than The Undercover Economist and others if you feel generous.

- Sunglasses

PS: All gifts make me happy – some more than the others, but ALL GIFTS MAKE ME HAPPY.

Things I want to do at this moment:

Things I want to do at this moment:

- Wear a sari and swirl around

- Eat mushroom and spinach lasagna

- Say a big thank you to my Dad.

Friendship

I thought friendship was nice

But it sucks!

Why should I

Be sick, or troubled or unhappy

For you to consider even looking at me!

I am not a number on your task list

Or an extra to keep you company.

I deserve to have a friend

Because I am here

Trying to be one.

May be friendship is nice

But you just make it suck!

PS: Written for someone from someone else.

This week

The week has been really sweet. Yes, sweet is the word.

I have not been keeping well, so I take a rickshaw to work everyday. Yesterday, the driver charged me Rs. 10 less because he kept me waiting at the Petrol pump while he was getting gas. Today, the rickshawwala charged me Rs. 7 less because I didn't have the change.

The generosity surprised me to no end. So did the smiles that followed.

This week has been really nice, I guess.

Something's wrong

I have not been the best version of myself lately.


I see an aged couple stepping out of the rickshaw below my building. I recognize them as the lovely people who fed me tea when I had gone to their place to get a survey filled. They have several shopping bags with them and they are clearly finding it difficult to carry all of them together.

I am slightly dressy as I am heading out for a party. It troubles me that for that moment when I saw them step out of the rickshaw, all I wanted was, to get that rickshaw, take me to Bandra which is where I was headed. For a mini fraction there, I remember me telling me that I should be helping these sweet old people with their numerous bags. But I didn’t. I just smiled, got into the rickshaw and drove away.

On another day last week, I was boarding the train from Kandivali and a heavy plastic bag hit the back of my arm. I turn to see a woman holding a boy of about four years old in one hand and the bag is another. I DO NOT consider her history or her context which I should have. Instead, as I enter the train, I INTENTIONALLY push her.

I don’t know why I am being so cruel. These incidents are etched in my brain because I DON’T do stuff like this. I DON’T.

But I did.

Bygone

I used to secretly be in love with you
It is hard to believe now,
For time has moved and so have we
But it’s true
I used to be in love with you.

Making a poem

I wrote a poem about the man I love

but it didn't seem like the right reporting

I tore it to pieces and burnt it to ash
And finally my heart started hurting.

Resolution

I am going to start writing again!

My Family

My family
We play chor chor
Like our house is a fort.

We run around in two teams gleefully
My Ma and I
Against Papa.

But at every turn
I find myself
Lodged in the bedroom with Papa.

The door closes
And he zips open his pants
Ramming me under him.

My blue frock is torn
Knickers hanging down my straddled leg
As I scream for my Ma.

She is outside listening
I know my Ma
She cheated again.

You make me so happy

You make me so happy.
I can hardly write
Barely breathe.
I am overcome
And overwhelmed.
I am floating away in some colourful spectrum
Of no thoughts and no masks.
There is a smile lingering and am continuously finding it
And continuously losing it.
I am playful
On a swing.
Running through sprinklers
Lying on my bed listening to the sea.
You make me so happy.
I am laughing for no reason and all reason
As if on an inside joke.
I am touching a little more
Feeling a little more.
I am more here than somewhere else
Feeling my hair and nails grow.
You make me so happy,
When you are happy.
That is all it takes my friend
Share a smile with me, sometime

Oldage

She looked at herself
The hair like frills on a dressy frock
She powdered her face
As to even the wrinkles
She began to redden her lips
But gave away halfway
Rubbing off the scarlet off her pale face
There was no need to bother
Time was on her side now -
The cherished anniversaries and the running children
The secret kisses and the sunshine
The snow and the smoky cinema halls
The huge family and the loud music
The tattered photographs and the attentive husband.
Her face was a map
Every gnarled fold
Was a brief lifetime
She looked at herself
And could not help but notice
A crimson blush on her smiling face

My best friend

Its 2:12 pm, I definitely remember.
I was 9 steps away from the TV.
We were watching a show about sharks
The one we were not supposed to.

Abby was slow and purring
The way she gets when I give her all my food.
Suddenly there is knocking
There is not supposed to be knocking.

I want my mummy
Or is it she outside?
I raise myself off the couch
Walk 34 steps towards the door.

At the 14th step I stop
The knocks are getting louder
Like a hammer ramming into my brain
Abby and I know then it’s not mummy.

Foreboding shadows loitering outside the door
Abby rubs herself at my legs, slow and purring
The way she gets when she knows I am afraid
But she struts ahead brave and sure.

I follow her trail
I am 11 steps away from the door
When Abby raises her head
Scratches at the door and roars like a lion.

Its 2:27 pm I clearly remember
When Abby puts me to bed
She licks her paws
And places herself next to my wild beating heart.

Heartbreak

I enter the party
in my first black short dress.
Walking three inches higher than myself
I have left my spectacles at home.
I smile broadly at alien faces
until I notice you and her.
I tremble and heave
as you look at me.
You let go of her arm
and walk towards me.
I almost smile
Before you say
“Don’t try so hard,
You are just not as beautiful.”

A 100 word story

“Brown or white?” Sujoy wondered. He made a quick call to Anjali. “White bread,” she said nonchalantly as if she were expecting the call.

Sujoy smiled. He was lucky to have a wife who could read his mind. His smile broadened as he decided to get her roses for the first time since their wedding.

In their small apartment, Anjali was tutoring their 18-year-old neighbor Jason who had failed his physics exam again. However, her mind was elsewhere, ripe for another deep-set depression. Her predictable marriage was suffocating her. Her world was dizzy as she moved in to kiss Jason.

love

Try me

Crazy

Realisation

It is a scary feeling. There is a deep hollow in my brain because of memory reprocessing. All my memories were stored believing, confirming, and affirming that I was a shy individual. However, I have come to realize that I am just plain cowardly. What I viewed as being shy, turns out is that part of me refusing to be called cowardly and hence is refashioning itself into an appropriate, innocent and feminine quality, which I have never had and possibly never will.

Such is life, a bundle of bittersweet reality checks.

I positive