Friday, November 20, 2009

Something's wrong

I have not been the best version of myself lately.

I see an aged couple stepping out of the rickshaw below my building. I recognize them as the lovely people who fed me tea when I had gone to their place to get a survey filled. They have several shopping bags with them and they are clearly finding it difficult to carry all of them together.

I am slightly dressy as I am heading out for a party. It troubles me that for that moment when I saw them step out of the rickshaw, all I wanted was, to get that rickshaw, take me to Bandra which is where I was headed. For a mini fraction there, I remember me telling me that I should be helping these sweet old people with their numerous bags. But I didn’t. I just smiled, got into the rickshaw and drove away.

On another day last week, I was boarding the train from Kandivali and a heavy plastic bag hit the back of my arm. I turn to see a woman holding a boy of about four years old in one hand and the bag is another. I DO NOT consider her history or her context which I should have. Instead, as I enter the train, I INTENTIONALLY push her.

I don’t know why I am being so cruel. These incidents are etched in my brain because I DON’T do stuff like this. I DON’T.

But I did.